Monday, January 23, 2006

Application for permission to court my daughter

The following application was copied for us by one of the Elders at our church who gave it to a young man to fill out before he could court their daughter:

Court of Parental Authority
Case No.: 12-3-456789-1
In re the issue of:
(name of the young man), Petitioner
(names of the parents), Respondent(s)

Regarding personal discussion the evening of September 16, Respondent(s) being in temporary state of dismay and confusion failed at that time to provide enclosed application. Please provide detailed responses and return at your earliest convenience (yesterday would be good). Your prompt attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Signed and dated (put date here),
(sign name here)

APPLICATION: This application will be incomplete or rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.

Nickname/ Alias:____________
Date of Birth:_______________

Soc. Sec.#:________________
Boy Scout Rank:________
Home Address:______________

Do You Own?
a. van___
b.truck with oversized tires:___ with a trunk full of speakers:___

Do You have any of the following?
a. an earring:___
b. nose ring:___
c. belly button ring:___
d. any body part pierced?___



(If you answered yes to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

Church you attend?_______________________
How Often?_______________
Best time to interview your pastor?_____________

Fill in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want broken is:
b. Please write the only thing that you hope this application does not ask you?
c. Now answer that question:

NOTE: If you answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (AND I WILL FIND OUT), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises QUICKLY keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion!

I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, ELECTROCUTION, and/or HOT POKERS.
Signature (this means sign your name:_________________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call, or write. This could cause UNEXPECTED INJURY.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by 2 men wearing black ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.


Blogger sheshe said...

Oh my! This could really come in handy with our six teenage girls! Might give our boys a hint as to what they could be up against, too.

What a hoot! Thanks for sharing it.


9:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pretty funny application! I'll have to use it if that situation ever arises. I'm really praying that the Lord returns before anyone ever attempts to even look twice at my daughter!!

12:32 PM  
Blogger Father of Eleven said...

A guy I worked with once said that the first time a guy came to date his daughter he would tell him "I have a 357, forty acres, and a shovel and I know how to use all three. Haver her home by 9:30." He said he never had any problems with her being out late.

Seriiously, this application doesn't have a waiver for background or credit checks. What's up with that?

2:49 PM  

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