Application for permission to court my daughter

The following application was copied for us by one of the Elders at our church who gave it to a young man to fill out before he could court their daughter:

Court of Parental Authority
Case No.: 12-3-456789-1
In re the issue of:
(name of the young man), Petitioner
and
(names of the parents), Respondent(s)

Regarding personal discussion the evening of September 16, Respondent(s) being in temporary state of dismay and confusion failed at that time to provide enclosed application. Please provide detailed responses and return at your earliest convenience (yesterday would be good). Your prompt attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Signed and dated (put date here),
(sign name here)

APPLICATION: This application will be incomplete or rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.

NAME:____________________
Nickname/ Alias:____________
Date of Birth:_______________
Height:_____
Weight:_____
I.Q.______
G.P.A._____

Soc. Sec.#:________________
DL#_______________
Boy Scout Rank:________
Home Address:______________
City/state/zip:______________
Home#_________________
cell#:_______________
Pager#______________

Do You Own?
a. van___
b.truck with oversized tires:___
c.car with a trunk full of speakers:___

Do You have any of the following?
a. an earring:___
b. nose ring:___
c. belly button ring:___
d. any body part pierced?___

Explain:_______________________

Tattoo:____

(If you answered yes to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
______________________________________

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
______________________________________

Church you attend?_______________________
How Often?_______________
Best time to interview your pastor?_____________

Fill in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want broken is:
_______________________________________
b. Please write the only thing that you hope this application does not ask you?
_______________________________________
c. Now answer that question:
_______________________________________

NOTE: If you answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (AND I WILL FIND OUT), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises QUICKLY keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion!

I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, ELECTROCUTION, and/or HOT POKERS.
Signature (this means sign your name:_________________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call, or write. This could cause UNEXPECTED INJURY.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by 2 men wearing black ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.

http://www.graceandtruthbooks.com/courtship/default.asp