Friday, January 27, 2006

No Bible Knowledge Required? Admonished by Elder Board:


If you are looking for a game that requires absolute ignorance of the Bible... well, I have a game for you.
MISSIONARY CONQUEST
Yes, that is what I said.
Now, "Conquest" defined is "the act of conquering."
A "Missionary" according to Webster is "someone who attempts to convert others to a particular doctrine or program."
In this game by D & E Enterprises (a.k.a. "Dumb and Egnorant"... oops, did I spell that wrong?), it states on the cover "One giant game of laughter and strategy: no Bible knowledge required."

Turn the box around... it gets better.
"The first mission trip that you choose is China. You CONVINCE the other players to come with you. All of you land in jail and the trip is over. All of the other players are looking at you in a very unchristian-like way..."
Don't stop there... it also says, "All of the players believe you are telling the truth as you convince them to invest in your financial ooportunity (to raise money to go on a mission trip). THey all invest heavily in your business, only to find out that you greatly exaggerated. They lose their money! SOME CHRISTIAN YOU ARE! Outwardly they all say they understand and bear no hard feelings, but in truth, they can't wait to get you."
It really says all this... Now I'll reluctantly give you a peek inside.
Oops, I think I just revealed I own this game. It was a Christmas present... and here comes me trying to justify ownership of it. Sadly, I put it out on a table at our home as a game option to play during a Fellowship time with our church family only to be HUMOROUSLY "admonished by our Elder Board". Will I ever live this one down? Now whenever I call the pastor, he answers "Missionary Conquest Hotline." Great. I deserve this however. Even though this admonishment was done humorously it was still rightfully convicting! It goes to show how desperately we need to constantly be discerning everything according to Biblical standards. (Kind of pride-stripping considering how I thought I already did that. Ha.)
Now a peek inside the box: You could, in this game, quite possibly land on the spaces labeled "temptation" or "Blessing".
Let me share a "temptation" card first: "As the owner of Sleezy Slims used car lot, you sold your pastor a 'good dependable car' that didn't make it past Slick Willie's garage (who happens to be your brother). Lose 50 Blessing Points."... okay stop laughing. This is sad. Really.
Now for a "Blessing": "On a cold wintery night you brought two street people home with you so that they could take a bath... Receive 50 blessing points."
Again stop laughing. I think this game was created by an MK (missionary Kid) with deep seeded resentments against his parents for choosing to be missionaries while sending him off to boarding school.
You could also possibly land on the "Missionary Board Hearing" space. As it says on the back of the game: "OH NO!...All of the other players have smiles on thier faces as they become your judge. They can either pardon you or pass judgement on you. They choose judgement!- In the name of spiritual growth. They take away one of your countries, 50 blessing points and send you to "Bad Stewardship" and you can't believe your Christian friends would turn on you like that."
Oh... there is so much more on the back of the box that I want to share, but I am taking too long, so I want to encourage you to go look at it yourself. I have no doubt you can find one at your friendly, but often shallow-content neighborhood "Christian" bookstore.
The thing about this is, even though I am a Calvinist... I am not a HYPER one! and thus believe in and prayerfully pursue the spreading of the TRUE, unabridged Gospel.

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