Sunday, February 26, 2006

I have been diagnosed with "insanabile cacoethes screbendi"...

... in other words, an incurable passion to write...
It is like an itch I have to scratch!
Now, notice if you will, the Latin word insanabile.
What English word does that remind you of?

Okay... here goes:

I have alot of children. Some I know have alot more... some have alot less. But according to today's 2.5 children per household... well, I have alot. And some have expressed wonder almost to the point of criticism as to WHY we adopted more after we had already surpassed the 2.5 "standard quota"... (we especially get alot of stares when we go eat at our favorite Chinese restaurant.)
"Hey, this is nothing compared to my friend that has like 11 kids (10 of which are teenagers) and two are out of her body experiences... and then there's my friends that have 8 that are all out of her body experiences." (At this point you need to picture a gaping mouth... not mine)
How about the people that see us out and about and say things like, "Are these ALL YOURS? THey can't be... You look too young."
"Yes, they are mine and they keep me young. (It will all catch up to me I'm sure, but I am really not too young... trust me.)" I respond jestfully.
"WOW! You have your hands FULL!" with an often not so approving tone.
"Oh, yes I do! Hands full of blessings."

Now am I dillusional? Do they always FEEL like blessings? Didn't the Lord also give me all these abundant gifts for MY SANCTIFICATION PROCESS!

I am not dillusional. I do have alot of fun... but boy do I have some stories.
Let me start with the twins we adopted. We knew it would be an adjustment. We could not quite picture what we knew, however. And I cannot sit here and paint you a totally pretty picture. It has been rough. And if I had an opportunity to go back and change things, I wouldn't. I love those boys as though they came out of my womb.
But they didn't.
THey came out of what seems more like a war zone.

We knew they came from chaos. From physical abuse and severe neglect. No discipline. No stability. No structure. No parental guidance. Chaos.

And WOW... was it quite eye opening when we brought them into our home. But we looked at this adoption just as we look at our marriage commitment from a Biblical perspective. Not a worldly, "Hey, if this doesn't work we can throw them back into chaos and go on with our lives."
Some have done that. THey adopt a child. It doesn't work quite like they thought it would, so they do what is called a disruption adoption. You know that friend of mine with 11 kids... 10 teens? I think four of them are children they adopted out of disruption. They have much Godly wisdom... and patience. (go to my "sheshe" link on the sidebar)

So the twins... they were... self-destructive. Literally.
THey were almost 3 years old when they came into our home.
They called everybody in the whole house "MA MA"... including my other children, my husband and pretty much everyone they came across. Obviously they were confused... among other things. They were so behind on their learning and I am amazed how far they have come.
I do not know all of their war stories.
I don't want to know them all.
I pray they don't remember them.
What I do know would make you weep.

Self-destructive? How? ... I had to put them in what my friend called a lap lock, before I gave them any kind of parental instruction regarding their safety or any kind of setting of appropriate boundaries, I had to sit myself in a crossed leg position, sit them in my lap and give them a "hug" as I admonished them. Essentially I was keeping them from hurting themselves and others. Why? Because, I quickly learned that if I did not do this, they would throw the biggest kicking, screaming, self-destructive fit I have ever seen... throw themselves on the floor by jumping up and landing on their backs onto toys... ouch... and so on. The first year of the adoption was... well, I am speechless... I guess it was indescribably challenging.

Within the first month of having them, I gave notice to end my public speaking ministry. My last two speaking engagements were for Pro-Life. It was obvious that for now, my season for that was over. I needed to concentrate on my family.

My prayer for all of my children is that the Lord would grab hold of them young!... Especially these twin boys. "Whatever it takes to draw them, all of them to Yourself Lord!"

It still is challenging. But they have come SO FAR. We recently moved... that was hard on them. They digressed. Apparently they never lived anywhere for very long and were in 6 different foster homes within 6 months before they came to us. I think they were afraid we were going to get rid of them.
It was perhaps the dillusional, "Aaah! Look, how cute! Twins!" syndrome for those foster families. And when reality hit... out the door they went.
Our new church family would have never guessed what they were like, they have changed so much... but there are still issues. Issues I give to the Lord every moment I can... for though I am weak, the Lord gives me strength.

I trust my Lord that He is faithful... that He has not given me more than I can bear... I rest in this truth most of the time, but I have my moments. And He is so good in that He has provided so many wonderful, Godly people to remind me of that when I forget... and then there's that "prayer pantry" I go into... you know, my food pantry just off my kitchen where I can shut the door for a much needed time of pleading before the Lord. I have scriptures taped to the wall in there, a Bible to grab hold of and desperately read, and ocassionaly I have thrown a book in there, like "Mothers of the Wise and Good" to encourage me to press on.

To Him be ALL the glory.

EX ANIMO

9 Comments:

Blogger Susan said...

May God richly bless you (and He obviously has) for all you're doing in His name. My prayer for you this day is for Godly strength and wisdom.
We have friends who (in addition to their own grown biological children) have six adopted severely handicapped children. We met them when they adopted my brother's wife's first-born, Adam, who had cerebral palsy. (She had him at 16, before meeting my brother.) I then considered them to be family, so even after Adam died, we kept in touch. (They have lost a few children.) They are supported only through private donations and their local church, on about $7,000 a year. No government assistance. Their ministries, by the way, is called Mephibosheth Ministries (in Panama City, Fla.), but that really just consists of Jeff and Helen, the adoptive parents.
When I think of them, I know that only God can provide such sustenance and strength.

9:37 AM  
Blogger DOGpreacher said...

4given,

I was touched by reading this, and you will be on our (Gregg & Doni) prayer list as you & your husband raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

2:12 PM  
Blogger sheshe said...

I am the crazy friend with 11 children that Lisa spoke of. Three of them are homegrown, five were adopted from Russia and three were adopted from disrupted adoptions. We also have an 18 year old cousin living with us, now, to complete our "cheaper" dozen.

About the holding sessions - we did that with our new 15 year old daughter, only a year ago. Today, we are so pleased to say that GOD is the one who has a hold on her heart. Seeing her life change as she put her faith in the Lord has been one of the most amazing experiences of our lives. She continually gives us hope, as we remember that if God can change HER like He did, then He can indeed change anyone. Little did we know, when we gave her the middle name of Hope, that she would return the favor.

Life is not easy with 12 kids, but this is our service to the Lord. We are not promised a walk in the park - rather we grow in our sanctification daily as we die to ourselves and live for Him.

It is heartbreaking to see the many families who give up on their adopted children, usually due to selfish motives. We have seen three girls go through the pain of disruption and it is huge. Without the Lord, these families falter and struggle, not being able to find the answers within themselves. I am so thankful that God is our Rock and our Redeemer and that He has all the answers!

2:53 PM  
Blogger 4given said...

Love you SheShe!!! Thanks a ton for your comment! I obviously got the numbers wrong. You have become my mentor whether you wanted to or not! Ha.

Ex Animo

7:09 PM  
Blogger Father of Eleven said...

I was the one who ended up holding our daughter when she first came to us. A fourteen year old girl three times abandoned by those who were called mom or dad, living a life completly out of control, literally cursing God, her former parents and us. She needed someone to be in charge and to show her that, at fourteen, she was not left in charge of her spinning out of control life. By holding her, we were showing her that, through us, God was in control of her life. We talked of her sin and Christ's atoning death.

As I sat with her, bleeding from the scars she was living on my arms, it was one of the most joyful times of my life. Because in that time I saw the truth of Acts 5:41 where the Apostles rejoiced that the had been deemed worthy to suffer for the name of Chirst. That my Lord would give me the opportunity to receive wounds for His sake, was a truely joyful and humbling event.

Then to see Him change her heart so that now she loves Him and seeks to obey Him, that she worrys over sheshe's health because for the first time she feels the love of a mother, that God has taken her old stoney heart, and replaced it with a heart of flesh, I cannot but be saddened to think of all those out there who will never know the joy that comes from obeying the commands of God to visit the widows and orphans in their distress.

1:01 PM  
Blogger 4given said...

I can't see I am so blind from tears, Bob. Thanks for sharing this. I look forward to the book you are writing getting published. Hurry up with that...
I appreciate so much what the Lord is accomplishing in your family. I love that I have your family photo on my fridge to remind me what a merciful God we serve that he would provide your family with such an abundance of His love to share with those precious children.
TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY!

2:33 PM  
Blogger 4given said...

You wrote: "she was not left in charge of her spinning out of control life. By holding her, we were showing her that, through us, God was in control of her life"
I know what that holding feels like Bob.. except mine were not yet 3. THe twins lives were so chaotic... out of control... By His grace alone, my friend. okay... gotta go, this is making me sob.

2:37 PM  
Anonymous kamelda said...

I am so glad you adopted. I hope many more people do the same.

8:37 PM  
Blogger 4given said...

Thank you Kamelda. It is a blessing beyond measure.

5:38 AM  

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